It's been 17 days since baby Harper was born still, and 19 days since we found out she no longer had a heartbeat. I miss my baby girl every single day. I cry every single day, multiple times a day, but I laugh every day, too. My 2 year old little boy and my husband are my reasons for getting up, and for trying to keep going.
The hardest part of life, thus far, has been interacting with other people. Most everyone just doesn't know what to say. I get it, I don't really know what to say, either. My least favorite question, and the one that people seem to ask most frequently, is "How are you doing"? My child is dead. How do you think I'm doing? I usually say I'm doing ok, and try to change the subject. However, the most hurtful thing has been the people who say nothing at all. The people that know that we've lost our precious baby girl, that was just 7 weeks away from her due date, and have said NOTHING. No acknowledgement of the life that was lost. It hurts me deeply.
Then there are the people that completely surprise me. The people that don't really even know me, but feel so deeply for me, and cry with me, pray with me, have a heavy heart with me. People that have made me feel like she mattered, and she did.
My life will never be the same. My family will not be whole again until we are all reunited in heaven. I find solace in knowing that we will be together someday, and I will be able to know the sweet baby that I carried for 8 months, that Joey will be able to meet his baby sister, and we won't have to cry anymore.
Wendy,
ReplyDeleteI know you don't know me, I work with Steve and just as you write, I don't know exactly what to say. However, my prayers are constantly with you and Steve and I hope that the days ahead will begin to become brighter for you.
Jessica Wood