New Chapter

Before losing our sweet Harper, we thought our family would be complete with her arrival. Neither of us had any desire, at that time, to have any more children. When we lost her, we started talking about more children almost right away. There is no way that any other child would replace her, but we knew that our desire was for Joey to have siblings this side of heaven, and believe that was what God promised us as well.

We would talk about adoption on and off, but never really took any steps to find out more about it, until February. We attended a webinar with a local adoption agency, and found out the very basics about international and private domestic adoption. It was a lot to think about, and neither of us seemed to be very gung ho about the idea. The cost and the uncertainty of paying expenses for a birth mother that could change her mind at any time did not sit well with us for some reason. We may have a change of heart, or God may direct us down this path later, but right now, it's not where He is leading us.

A couple of weeks after the webinar, I called DSS, and inquired about adoption. There was an orientation coming up in the first week of March, so we decided to check it out. Our fabulous next door neighbors kept Joey for us, and off we went.

We went into it thinking we were only interested in adoption. When we walked out of the orientation, I was nervous to tell Steve what I thought. I said, "You tell me what you think". I was so relieved to hear that we both felt the same way. We both wanted to become foster parents, hopeful that it would lead to adoption. I don't think this is something that either of us had ever thought of, or thought that we could handle. The thought of having a child in your home for a year, or even two, and then having to say goodbye was so sad. I didn't think I would be able to go through that. But then we realized, we weren't giving God a whole lot of credit. He has carried us through the most difficult trial that we could ever imagine. And we are still standing. Loving another child and having to possibly say goodbye to that child will be difficult, but we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Philippians 4:13

We had our first MAPP (Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting) class yesterday, and received our huge packet of paperwork to complete and documents needed. I am a little overwhelmed with all of the things that have to be done in a short amount of time, but have already completed a significant portion of the paperwork. There is so much to think about and accomplish in a short amount of time, but we are trusting in God to continue to lead us and help us to know what choices to make. We are excited to possibly add to our family in this way, and even if we don't, we will be blessed to serve in a way that we never would have considered. Please keep us in prayer as we start this new chapter in our lives!

Forward

7 months old. If Harper had been born on her due date (which I know would have been highly unlikely), she would be 7 months old today. What would she be like? Would she be a good napper (unlike her brother)? Would she sleep through the night occasionally? Would I still be nursing her? (I only nursed Joey for a few months, my body did not cooperate). Would she be trying to do the one-legged army crawl like her brother yet? Would she have any hair? Would she be eating solids? Would she have any teeth?

I wish I could know the answer to even one of these questions. Instead, I am working on her memory box. A place to put her "things" - ultrasound pictures, hospital bracelets, and sympathy cards. I didn't save the positive pregnancy test. There are almost no pictures of me when I was pregnant with her. I didn't keep a journal of all the "firsts" of her life. And I so wish I had. If I had only known that those are all I would ever have...

I remain hopeful that we will someday be blessed with more children this side of heaven. However, my body is not cooperating. I've had quite a few troubling immune system issues, and my body is just not working right. I finally went to a new primary care doctor, and she ordered lots of blood work. 20 tubes of it, to be exact. I go back for results on March 20th. Although I don't want there to be something "wrong", it would be a relief to find an explanation for all the weirdness.

In trying to move forward (not on - I will not ever "get over" losing my child), I am learning how to sew. My next door neighbor, who has also become a dear friend, is an experienced sewer, and has graciously offered to sew with me and teach me. We are having our first sewing session for Harper's Legacy on Wednesday, and I'm so excited to be able to serve the baby loss community in my hometown from afar. Steve and I were so blessed by Threads of Love here in Baton Rouge, and I hope that the blankets, gowns, hats, and memory envelopes can bring some small comfort to families who are going through this awful trial.

God is also leading us down a path that we would never have imagined going down. More on that in another post, because it deserves its own.