7 months old. If Harper had been born on her due date (which I know would have been highly unlikely), she would be 7 months old today. What would she be like? Would she be a good napper (unlike her brother)? Would she sleep through the night occasionally? Would I still be nursing her? (I only nursed Joey for a few months, my body did not cooperate). Would she be trying to do the one-legged army crawl like her brother yet? Would she have any hair? Would she be eating solids? Would she have any teeth?
I wish I could know the answer to even one of these questions. Instead, I am working on her memory box. A place to put her "things" - ultrasound pictures, hospital bracelets, and sympathy cards. I didn't save the positive pregnancy test. There are almost no pictures of me when I was pregnant with her. I didn't keep a journal of all the "firsts" of her life. And I so wish I had. If I had only known that those are all I would ever have...
I remain hopeful that we will someday be blessed with more children this side of heaven. However, my body is not cooperating. I've had quite a few troubling immune system issues, and my body is just not working right. I finally went to a new primary care doctor, and she ordered lots of blood work. 20 tubes of it, to be exact. I go back for results on March 20th. Although I don't want there to be something "wrong", it would be a relief to find an explanation for all the weirdness.
In trying to move forward (not on - I will not ever "get over" losing my child), I am learning how to sew. My next door neighbor, who has also become a dear friend, is an experienced sewer, and has graciously offered to sew with me and teach me. We are having our first sewing session for Harper's Legacy on Wednesday, and I'm so excited to be able to serve the baby loss community in my hometown from afar. Steve and I were so blessed by Threads of Love here in Baton Rouge, and I hope that the blankets, gowns, hats, and memory envelopes can bring some small comfort to families who are going through this awful trial.
God is also leading us down a path that we would never have imagined going down. More on that in another post, because it deserves its own.